My phone rings and I flick the switch on my amp and check my clock simulataneously. It's 2335. My stomach drops. The only person who calls me is my mother and if she's calling me at 2335 something bad has happened. I hate phones ringing in the night time. Some twisted up memory in my head, half imagined probably, half dreamed. Being woken up by one going off in another room and not hearing the conversation, just seeing my mother in my room, covered in light from the doorway telling me something I don't want to happen.

I pick up the phone. Hello?

"Pizza boy," I haven't ordered any pizza.

What?

"I have your pizzas here, you going to come down collect them?"

I didn't order any pizza.

"Two pizza here, you are coming down?" What the fuck, is this some sort of a prank call? I immediately think it's a prank call. Whenever my phone rings it's either my mother or a prank call. These are variables I've got accustomed to. Never prank calls from cute girls, desperately trying to get my intention any way possible, calling me at a sleepover, just after the pillow fight. Prank calls from idiots and charlatans and worst of all, ugly girls, desperately trying to get my attention any way possible.

I haven't ORDERED any pizza. Who are you delivering to?

"Pizza is here, two large pepparoni pizza," Maybe someone's fucking with me, they ordered the pizza in my name to shit me up. I can't eat a large pizza and I definitely can't eat one with pepparoni. They know this, and they're fucking with me. How the fuck do I deal with this?

I didn't ORDER ANY PIZZA.

Why the fuck can't this guy hear me? It's gotta be a prank call, someone's fucking with me, who who who is fucking with me. I'd like to say I ran through a list of who could prank call me, but I didn't have time.

"What room is this?"

It's BEE FOUR TEE.

"Oh, wrong number, sorry friend. Goodbye."

And now I'm really hungry because I really want a fucking pizza.